Conflict Change Management

I do wonder why do people say that one of the principal challenges for many people in today’s age is the aspect of Conflict and Change Management, when right through one’s life it is the main trait that every man seems to have unwittingly spent time cultivating and honing up. May be if we were to trace out the decisions taken through man’s evolution we would recognize that at each stage there are decision points that affects man for times to come. And these are the same decision points which man either revels in or has regrets for times to come.

The stage is set even before conception when the parents decide when they would like to start a family. There are even those who choose a mate based on the kind of features they would like their offspring to have. Once the key decision to start a family is taken and when the mother conceives, a fairly large majority still continue to wonder and express their opinion regards the possible gender of the baby. By the time the baby steadily grows and finally announces its arrival, the parents have consulted a couple of websites, books and countless people and have narrowed down on possible names. Even as the baby announces its arrival, the parents have been advised by trusted family & friends regards possible doctors who can facilitate the child’s arrival. There are those who are guided by tradition and rituals and they grapple with the various dates when certain functions can be held after considering their and other stakeholder availability.

After all the necessary steps have been taken to gain peace of mind, the parents begin the countdown for the baby’s delivery. In the interim, there are lots of advice regards the lifestyle habits to be followed by the mother and support provided by the father. Post all this, the baby finally arrives and there is joy & jubilation all around. Some element of earlier confusion gets sorted out but the baby brings forth its set of rules & regulations that the couple exposed to parenthood need to adhere to. This stage requires them to determine as regards who takes care of the child at different hours of the day, who wakes up in the middle of the night more often to pacify the baby’s cries and what new antics of theirs catch the attention of the baby. As the baby steadily evolves from mother’s milk, the next piece of advice begins to trickle in regards the timing and kind of solid food that would be better absorbed by the baby. As the baby steadily gains strength, the next aspect of its growth that are keenly looked forward to is when it would take its first baby steps and take on the world. As the baby evolves and people wait, there are lots of advice from experienced folks regards the placement of furniture and other objects on the floor and at lower levels.

As the kid starts running around and giving his parents sleepless nights, the foundation for the next stage is set. The next key decisions involves the kind of nursery that one would like to enroll the child to give him/her the best of experiences. Every nursery have their own USP, and some even have different shifts during the day to facilitate the child’s biological cycle and parents work cycle. Now the parents need to think about the school that one needs to have their child enrolled. They start a round of more being interviewed rather than interview the preferred schools of choice. There are so many decision points that one needs to consider – location, quality, cost, transport, faculty, brand image, affiliation and so on and so forth. The enrolment into the school is just the start of a family saga with the school. There are notices about frequent hikes in fees, new books to be sourced for various courses, extra-curricular activities that goes to enhance the development of the child. And imagine coordinating all this in the midst of all the confusions and challenges that needs to be addressed not just at work, but also empathizing with the child for what they know from experience can be very exasperating!

The school generally begins a new saga when the child begins to question certain assertions that used to be accepted at face value and expresses curiosity about life in general. The parents need to educate the child about relating to people and being prim and proper in public. Imagine the challenges when the child needs to call different people with different names in the Indian languages when all it knows is Uncle/Aunty as being taught at school. At school some challenges that the child faces is the fine balance between academics and extra-curricular activities.

As the years roll on the baby has come out of the cocoon and raced its way closer to a defining period in its life. The child is faced with a defining moment when it arrives in Class X and his/her performance gets evaluated in a larger setting. There are those who prepare for this moment as many a couple of years back. They need to identify as regards the streams that they would like to focus their energies on based on their areas of interest and future potential. There are many advisors who are ever willing to give their counsel as regards reasons why they think the child should take up a particular stream in science, commerce or arts. There are very few who empathize with the child in trying to understand how much do they really understand and make sense of all the information overload that is thrown up on them from all quarters.

All said and done, a decision gets taken and consequences are reaped later either as enjoyment or a sense of regret. In today’s age it no longer is sufficient if one attends college, but one generally also falls prey to the effects of the massive advertisements of various coaching classes. There are discussions on which coaching class has created how many toppers, where are they located, what are their timings, and whether their close friends have also heard/joined the class. It is another matter that they also encounter some coaching class wanting to interview them before they are granted admission. It is the elite zone that they cater to and should you consider yourself wanting to be amongst the best, you need to be the best. It seems the motivation and joy of making an enthusiastic learner to be the best has long been lost on this generation!

As the teenager now spends more time in a new setting away from familiar faces of old, they begin to learn and unlearn new habits. There are constant conflicts as regards heeding the voice of elders versus enjoying the thrill of peers. Many of them begin to see themselves in a new light for the first time in their life and based on their convictions sculpt themselves and shape their future. Some challenges that they are never left tired thinking of besides academics are the attire to be dressed in, the folks to hang out with, the fitness regimes to take up, the joints to frequent, the music to hear, the electronic toys to be equipped with, set goals regards preferred sizes doing the rounds and the places to vacation at. It is never easy but the programming of years slowly strengthens its control on the sensibility of the adult.

As the adult-child goes through college and gains proficiency in certain electives of choice, they complete their graduation and can claim to be proud holders of a certificate that entitles them to apply for white collar jobs and earn their daily bread and butter rather than depend upon parents who have nagged them for the last 21 years! But does the child have respite at this stage? They still need to decide as to whether they need to join the work-force or further specialize or super specialize in their areas of choice.

Its time, a sigh of relief, a grueling academic career is over and the child is excited to join the work-force. How much do they know of the challenges that awaits them as they aim to gain their freedom to live a life of their choice. Depending on their consistent performance over their last years of existence, they are either bombarded with offers or get bombed at the work office. All said and done, most of them do end up in the work-force either working for someone, or having a business of their own. It is just about joining time, and they have their next set of decisions to take up. They are now bombarded with calls from credit card companies, banks offering all kinds of loans, insurance companies marketing their products, two-wheeler and four-wheeler dealers offering their products and zero percent financing. No soon have they started shopping and enjoying their freedom, they get hounded for membership of various schemes on offer. Realization sinks in soon that release from the protected zoo into the wild not just makes one more vulnerable but one needs to develop strength of character to survive and succeed in the face of constant temptations in the market place.

As they begin to steadily gain their footing, they are inundated with proposals of a new kind. There are again a community of advisors recommending suitable brides/grooms to facilitate the adult’s entry from being single into family life. Those who decide to find their own match face their share of challenges, and those who seek the traditional route face a different kind of challenges. The former needs to spend time adjusting to the tricks of the trade in finding a right date, frequent the right places, network effectively, and if required, spend time convincing each other families! The latter category get exposed to a wide variety of astrological perspectives which most do not comprehend, how the stars needs to be propitiated, how their time and place of birth is so very critical, how the placement of stars in their horoscopes seem to determine their destiny so on and so forth. Finally, if horoscopes do match, one should like the photos that gets presented that may not really be taken up by professional photographers as also a lack of understanding that a photogenic face is not the be all and end of life. Even if horoscopes and photos find a match, there needs to be shared interests and intensity of wavelength between the proposed partners. And even if all these do come up trumps, there needs to be the all important compatibility of families, since in Indian families it is not just meeting up of souls, it is primarily a marriage between families! And yes, if all these do find necessary fitment, then comes the mad frenzy of fixing up dates and location and kind of wedding that is customary in Indian traditions.

Once the wedding gets solemnized, and the couple spend the next couple of days understanding each other better and laying down ground rules that they would like to adhere to develop strength in the relationship. As they evolve in their relationship, they also get slowly drawn into the family cycle and begin to relive the challenges that their parents faced before they were conceived. In times to come and as time passes, they demonstrate experience in building/buying their own house, and conducting their marriages of their children.

As one gains experience in being a parent and finds more time on one’s hands with their children flying out of their cages, most of them take time to adjust since they had not cultivated any much interests besides their children. The vacuum gets felt more by the parents and they find ways and means to spend their lives in an meaningful manner. Based on their interests some prefer to listen to religious discourses, some spend time on social causes, some prefer to cultivate new hobbies and many prepare themselves for a new innings of becoming a parent once again. Though this time it is with experience and a prefix of being called Grand-Parent. It is not known which city/country their kids are going to be located at and what kind of people would be around to help them in their times of need, but the selfless ones at that are willing to sacrifice everything for their kids.

Life goes on, and slowly but steadily, the parents grow older. Their challenges multiply and they need to face up the age-related issues. They again need to start exercising their choices when they suffer an ailment as regards the choice of doctors, the tenor of medication, the kind of therapy. Depending upon the way their kids have evolved, and their own choices, they are either fortunate to have them for support and company or prefer to face their challenges rather than bother their kids. A time does come, when everyone has to part, and life comes full cycle. The soul leaves the body for its onward journey and leaves behind a saga of its journey. But decisions continues to be taken, the necessary certificates needs to be taken, the body needs to be either buried/cremated as per religious rituals and it is not one has the right of entry. There again are a series of negotiations though by the successors before what finally remains assimilates back with the dust!

Life has come full cycle. A seed and a sperm had come together to create a life. The person had lived his/her life and affected people who got associated in his/her journey. And then, the light passed on not without not impacting the people around them. At each stage, there were cross-roads, the decisions taken would have had different effects. If one were to associate each cross-road as a big challenge, one would never muster the courage to grow in life and experience the diversity and vagaries that the universe offers. One talks about the constant roadblocks but knowingly and unwittingly one has faced so many that it ceases to surprise why it is considered as one big mountain that people tread to climb! One should take it as a part and parcel of life rather than treat it as something different from self and look at with abject self-doubt and get entrapped in the moorings of life!